2021.12.09 07:29 Smolfrend How can I pull myself out of deep trauma and laziness before it's too late?
At 16 I was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. I'm in my late 20s and my life is going nowhere. I need any help I can get right now. I have a few things I need to explain and I'll do it through the goals they relate to. This sub has been a good resource in the past but I'm wondering if posting will yield more tailored advice.
Firstly, I want to get past this anxiety. Ironically, I'm unable to see a professional out of pocket now due to financial limitations. I also don't currently have insurance. When the pandemic started, my anxiety slowly became so much worse and I don't think I even noticed how bad until it caused some irreversible damage to my education and future potential. Deadlines slipped past, I kept telling myself "I'll do better soon" but the hole got deeper and deeper. The ironic part is, I can't seek professional help for my anxiety due to the problems resulting from my anxiety and accompanying depression. I don't want to get into the specifics but I've been stuck in the same place for about a year now and my situation is getting worse due to my inaction and my previous coping skills (journaling, meditation, mindfulness) aren't working.
I don't blame my failures/shortcomings on the anxiety alone. I think I didn't maintain my mental health diligently enough, most days doing the bare minimum to exist (eg- getting out of bed, cleaning, studying, social interaction, etc.) feels like so much effort. I have always suspected that I have some form of ADHD but I've never been formally diagnosed. However, I was getting by alright enough. I will mention that finding this sub, FDS and some other resources has led to some major changes in my life at towards the middle of 2019. I dumped an abusive LVM I had been with for 9 years prior, I started to recognize my parents for the narcissists they were and I finally had vocabulary and affirmation for the thoughts and feelings I've had that I denied myself. I've been in and out of therapy before and it has helped but I can't seem to keep the good track going long enough. So the second thing that I must overcome is this inherent lack of focus I have. Laziness, lethargy, illness, lack of goals, whatever label it would be given, I just want to become as close to neurotypically productive as possible. I don't understand how people maintain discipline. If there's anything I can do that would help me be consistent in my efforts daily, I would really appreciate knowing what that is.
My final goal and most difficult one is letting go of the resentment I have towards my parents. I don't mean forgiveness, I mean just putting it behind me that their narcissistic abuse, financial abuse and poor role modeling created me. Whenever I look back at my childhood I can't stop the tears because of the trauma. Being the scapegoat, physical violence from father, having to care for my older sister with severe mental disabilities (never got any treatment), having to grow up too fast, being my mother's personal therapist, etc. It has to be possible to stop being resentful towards them. I tell myself that I'm not them and I'm not doomed to become them because there are plenty of accounts of people overcoming the ignorance they were kept in and putting in the work that changes their circumstances. What kind of work can I do to overcome these feelings? Blaming them isn't getting me anywhere. I'm at an extremely precarious stage in life right now. If I'm not successful with my degree and diligent with my subsequent career hunt then I fear I'll become bitter and abusive like my parents. To be perfectly candid, all of the shortcomings that hold me back are one way or another traced back to my parents. Mental illness? Genetically predisposed + stressful upbringing. I've inadvertently learned to be fearful of new experiences from them as well as never learned to be tactful in varied social situations because neither of them are. The biggest one by far is how lazy and unambitious my father is and how he's abused my mother into the same. The attitude they have can get boiled down to "if god gives it to me then I can have it, if I didn't get it, it wasn't for me". They never actively try to achieve anything. I lived that way in learned helplessness for so long. I only leaned to manage my mental health and be independent in adulthood. I think I blame them too much. In the sense that I may be using it as a crutch and I don't know how to not do that. Maybe altering my mindset will help me forget them and their issues so I can stop seeing my issues as an extension of them. I would like to know how I can do this.
Tl:Dr: my life is dangerously close to reverting back to an abusive place. I need to learn how to be self-reliant about my mental health- manage anxiety, become active (stop being lazy) and shift my mindset to stop blaming my parents and feeling sorry for myself. Any advice or resources on how to do these things?
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2021.12.09 07:29 palavestrix Državno prvenstvo u sportskom penjanju (boldering) - 11. i 12. decembar
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2021.12.09 07:29 V1ctyM Yet another clueless parent asking about system specs...
I'm looking to get a cheap second-hand laptop to cut down the amount of arguments about who's turn it is on the XBox, and the various aspects of clock speeds and so on are a bit of a black art to me. I'm not looking for something to run Fortnite in full HD at five billion FPS on all epic settings, just something that can run the game decently enough to be playable.
I think the following specs fall between minimum and recommended requirements, but I'd appreciate anyone who understands these things to take a look and offer opinions / advice.
Video Card: Intel HD Graphics 5500 << this is a newer integrated chip than the minimum spec, so think it's OK Processor: Core i5-5300U 2.3 GHz << this is where I get confused - is a lower clock speed on a newer processor better, or does the clock speed need to be higher? Memory: 8 GB RAM << that's fine OS: Windows 10 Pro 64-bit << does it being Pro instead of Home make a difference?
According to Epic, these are the system requirements to run Fortnite:
Recommended System Requirements Video Card: Nvidia GTX 960, AMD R9 280, or equivalent DX11 GPU Video Memory: 2 GB VRAM Processor: Core i5-7300U 3.5 GHz, AMD Ryzen 3 3300U, or equivalent Memory: 8 GB RAM or higher OS: Windows 10 64-bit
Minimum System Requirements Video Card: Intel HD 4000 on PC; Intel Iris Pro 5200 Processor: Core i3-3225 3.3 GHz Memory: 4GB RAM OS: Windows 7/8/10 64-bit or Mac OS Mojave 10.14.6
Thank you in advance to anyone who can help!
submitted by V1ctyM to FortNiteBR [link] [comments]
2021.12.09 07:29 AutoNewspaperAdmin [World] - Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman tours Saudi Arabia, UAE pavilions at Expo Dubai | Al Arabiya
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2021.12.09 07:29 MrAYNg نگید نه من بارو نمیکنم
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2021.12.09 07:29 TheSewer94 [Crypto] Cake DeFi - Sign Up Bonus and high APRs based on Bitcoin🚀👇
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2021.12.09 07:29 Exodino How to these look? 149¥
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2021.12.09 07:29 EnTen10 6 SIX tickets for sale!! December 12th in NYC at 6pm for 113.85(lowest price I can set it to)
Hello!! Things happened and I booked the WRONG day for my musical sightseeing trip... Please help me and buy SIX tickets if you guys want!
Go on ticketmaster and buy tickets for Broadway December 6th at 6pm (or just click the link below0), my tickets are Section MEZZ, Row E, Seats 121-128 (Second row closest to balcony on the mezzanine)
If you guys know any other places I can advertise the tickets, please tell me! Thanks again~
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2021.12.09 07:29 hanneskretzer "Dive" Human Octopus live session - MELODIC TECHNO/ORGANIC HOUSE/AMBIENT
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2021.12.09 07:29 saeed217 What’s up with the new Popularity feature on Dil Mil?
I feel like it’s completely useless to categorize people by how popular they are on a dating app; it’ll only fuel people’s insecurities. especially if they are rated poorly, every person that stumbles upon their profile would see that poor rating
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2021.12.09 07:29 legoshi2005 Any link to Burnout 3: takedown beta?also does it run on pcsx2?
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submitted by Prestigious_Year_311 to CryptoMoonCoins [link] [comments]
2021.12.09 07:29 AbdulMannantrewq [Merry Christmas Big Offer 2021!] OFF-61% Microsoft Office 2019 Professional Plus 32/64
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2021.12.09 07:29 the_clit_whisperer69 Is HTML/CSS by Jon Duckett still relevant?
Ive heard great things about this textbook but it has been quite some years since it was released, is it still relevant?
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2021.12.09 07:29 joebolands JOE BO LANDS STONER NFT SERIES - FLOOR 0.05 SOL
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2021.12.09 07:28 xxmgb All three colors of the fleece belt bag are in stock!!!
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2021.12.09 07:28 elpablopolonia BAT problem
I m brave Creator from 2019, on my accont i have 104 BAT. Why i cant send my BAT on Gemini or Uphold ? " The payout report is currently generating. Please check back later. ".I have never withdrawn BAT before, I have a verified wallet on uphold and an account on gemini .
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2021.12.09 07:28 fiend222 having an fp fucking sucks i hate this shit i can feel myself getting more and more attached and i hate it and i’m scared
2021.12.09 07:28 SpaceRevolutionaryAI Resentment / do better?
Long story short i met my kids mom 8 years ago, and the first few months I overlooked alot of red flags, found out some things she did, and learned she slept with atleast 3 guys she would text and even got me to meet one of them once so i Lost trust for her. Then i tried to leave her and she told me she was pregnant. At the time i was making 9$ an hour and too dumb to really notice red flags.
When she was pregnant and after she had the baby she withheld sex, and we grew even further apart. This whole time we never lost contact and still hung out atleast once a week or once a month sometimes multiple times, and she knew i had started sleeping with another girl, because she knew i resented her for all the things i found out she was doing when we first met.
Here we are after 8 years of knowing eachother (we are 28 our son is 5) and ive made major progress in my life and make over 4x what i was when we met. I however feel i still tesent her, and she has been trying a little more, has sex whenever i want, and we do a great job raising our son.
The problem is being older and a little wiser i still feel as if i could do better she is still cold at times and in my mind i think she may have had too many partners in the past. I recently even payed thousands of dollars for her to go back to school, while she didnt work and gave her more money on top of that while i work my butt off.
She doesnt really do anything for me other than sex, and i feel like she doesn’t appreciate what i do do for her. She lies about small things like saying she doesn’t smoke even tho i know she does (recently admitted but it was only for a week🙄) Also believe it or not 8 years later im not even allowed to ride in her car because its so dirty, so i always drive everywhere. It seems as we get older she says she wants me to marry her and blah blah blah, but i think shes done so much i resent her for in the past, and her actions dont match up with her words now. She dropped all contact with “guy friends” years ago, and i believe she is over that phase when we were younger
I formed a strong attachment to her, and it definitely has toxic waves. I resent her , and love her at the same time, but feel like im not getting her all physically or mentally.She threatens suicide or “jokes” about killing me if i leave her but she does NOTHING to make this older version of me want to really be with her and def not marry her. Im confused
Should i try something differently or leave. How do i break this attachment or should i?
submitted by SpaceRevolutionaryAI to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2021.12.09 07:28 agnclay Beijing spokesperson says the US committed 'evil crimes' against Native Americans in response to reports of genocide in Xinjiang
2021.12.09 07:28 Big-Distribution8001 H: Q E 25 Fixer W: Unrolled Legacy Dragon offers, Ideally B E Break but open to other rolls.
|submitted by Big-Distribution8001 to Market76 [link] [comments]|
2021.12.09 07:28 X_Underscore_X Leicester City without seven players through coronavirus or illness for Europa League game against Napoli
According to [SKY Sport](https://www.skysports.com/football/news/11712/12490168/leicester-city-without-seven-players-through-coronavirus-or-illness-for-europa-league-game-against-napoli) Leiecester will ve missing som eplayers. Do anyone have any information on who these players are?
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2021.12.09 07:28 Aratho [RaceFans] Ahead of F1's title-decider, race director Michael Masi has reminded drivers the ISC forbids "behaviour in an unsportsmanlike manner or attempt to influence the result of a Competition in a way that is contrary to sporting ethics" and stewards can deduct points. More to follow.
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2021.12.09 07:28 MagicianBeautiful744 Why am I getting an error here?
2021.12.09 07:28 aaronmclaren66 22 [M4F] Seattle / anywhere - bored and looking to connect
Hello! I am Aaron. As far as looks go, I have pale skin, dark, curly hair, hazel eyes and I’m bigger build. I’ll show you pictures of what I look like if you’re interested
I own two cats and two dogs. Some of my interests are cooking, spending time outside and going on walks, playing games and talking to my friends, and listening to music.
I use this, discord and Snapchat. If you’re interested in chatting more, send me a message or start a chat with me! I can’t wait to hear from you!
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